Using Others to Learn About Yourself

One of the main principles of taiji is not to use brute force, so we always need to watch ourselves to make sure that we don't fall into the trap of using brute force. During pushing hands, how do we know who is the one using brute force? Besides what I have written about here, I think another way to check if you are the one using brute force is by pushing hands with different people, especially with people who are better than yourself.

If everyone you push hands with seems to be using brute force, it may well be that you are the one using brute force, and they are just returning your force to you. If you are able to feel the difference in how different people use their force, maybe you are on the right track. Because only when you are relaxed and not using brute force will you be able to tell the difference between the force that your opponent is using.