A Slip

I let slipped my hand today.

And was told that I slipped because I was resisting, that I was using brute force to resist my opponent's force. And it was true. So I slipped, in all sense of the word. I was resisting my opponent's force, when I should have been trying to let him have his way, to redirect his force away.

So I decided that I won't let that happen, that I will let my next opponent have his way. And I did. He wants to push? I let his push, then tried to neutralise his force and return it to him. He wants to pull? I let him pull, and use his pull to close in to him. He wants to play rough, to grab and lock arms? I gave him a taste of his own techniques, by locking his arms. It was wrong, but I decided that enough was enough when he just wouldn't let up and continued to push my limits. Here I was, trying my best to learn the finer techniques of pushing hands, and yet he continued to use brute force and play rough. So I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, only that I tried as much as possible to cause him pain only when he uses force.

Is this right? No. Do I feel good about it? Actually, no. But I think it helps me, because everytime I make a mistake, and let my anger take over, I chastise myself and move one step closer towards better control over myself.